Proximity, Please! The Benefits to Connecting within Geographic Perimeters
by Mauri Hansen
Last week I connected with friends in a variety of ways: over coffee, on a long walk, for a morning of co-working, as I hosted an event at my home, while getting a pedicure, and during a dinner out. Over the course of the week, I reflected on how much travel (a lot!) is required for me to maintain my friendships. I decided to get specific, so I took my top ten friends living in the state and looked at the average distances between our homes, which turned out to be 14 miles and about 18 minutes of drive time.
This means to simply grab coffee with a friend, I may spend almost 40 minutes in my car, alone. It struck me how this lack of geographic closeness makes developing emotionally close relationships really inefficient. Might lack of close proximity influence our choices to watch Netflix instead of regularly gathering around each other’s dinner tables?
Investing in Social Capital
Just as money creates financial capital in our lives, human connection creates social capital. This social capital is sometimes defined as the “goodwill available to individuals and groups” or as economic resources that result from personal relationships and networks. It increases with close proximity and decreases in cities with spread out geographic distribution. According to Debra Bolton, Ph.D,
“A person who has well-developed friendships and active community involvement is said to have high social capital. That high social capital not only contributes to the well-being of the individual, but also contributes to the overall health of his or her living environment, because it affects others.”
Investing in Neighbors
According to the General Social Survey, only 20% of Americans now spend time regularly with their neighbors even though research shows we have higher psychological well-being from neighborly contact and receive benefit from the perceived support those relationships bring. Just knowing we have someone nearby who could tell us about suspicious behavior or lock our front door if we accidentally forget has a measurable impact on our eudaimonic well being.
The takeaway: we are more likely to develop deeper and more beneficial relationships if we live in close proximity with one another as accumulating social capital intensifies and becomes more efficient. These geographically close connections have the added benefit of boosting our physical and emotional well being.
TheHouse.org values putting the concepts of research findings like these into practice, to see if we can experience them first-hand. So, I posted an invitation for a weekly coffee group on the Nextdoor app to see if I could strike neighborhood friend-gold. This app allows you to communicate with verified people in your neighborhood. My local network includes 260 members in my immediate neighborhood and over 3,000 in my city. Here’s what my post said:
Weekly Coffee Group
I'm interested in forming a small group of 5-8 people living in Holladay who meet once a week to explore various topics of conversation over coffee. I have friends spread across the Salt Lake valley, but would love to form a group with more proximity, who can meet regularly in a casual way that integrates easily into our busy lives. A cup of coffee and a one-hour conversation. This month I've been contemplating change and would love to kick-off the group with a conversation about approaches to the evolution of the self. How do you facilitate, embrace and even seek out change? Message me if you’re interested in meeting.
Within 48 hours I had over 20 people who had responded with interest.
I often hear people say “it’s just so hard to meet new people.” But, I think what they’re really saying is “I’m not willing to feel uncomfortable in hopes of making new friends.” This is a common human experience. Many individuals even seek out therapy in hopes that their therapist can rid them of their unwanted feelings and thoughts. In contrast, Acceptance and Commitment therapists ask their clients “What are your values? Can you commit to pursuing them even though you’ll experience unwanted thoughts and feelings?”
Maya Angelou reminds us:
“We are more alike, my friends,
than we are unalike.”
Results
The group met at a favorite local coffee shop. We explored a question that Oprah often asks, and I personally love: “What in your life has taken you the longest to change, and how or why did you finally make the change?” Picking a topic helps steer the group away from small-talk, gives each attendee the opportunity to share, and alleviates awkward moments. It was a stimulating conversation filled with genuine and vulnerable sharing across multiple generations of women. To be conscientious of everyone’s time, I ended the conversation after 90 minutes. We all left wanting more, and everyone committed to meeting again the next week!
This little coffee group has become a weekly gathering. Our new shared connection has given all of us a sense of wellbeing and community. We’ve even generated tangible social capital, like finding new volunteers for local charity events and a manager for the musical group of one member’s husband. This feels like community, like connecting the dots on a local constellation of support and friendship.
How To Replicate this Event
Decide what type of group you’re interested in forming. Do you want to have deep conversations, share a hike, or gather to listen to music on a weekly basis? What kind of connection are you seeking?
Post your interest to apps or sites like Nextdoor
Pick a date, time and location, and show up!
To host or attend events like this, download the House.org App.