The Efficiency of Contentment
by Anne Marie Vivienne
The Daydreams & Regrets We All Indulge
You’ll be happy when you have your dream job––and so you daydream about the perfect boss, the most meaningful and impactful work, creative authority, and the freedom to travel and spend time with family whenever you please. You get pulled into the lulling narrative of what could be.
You’ll be a kind person when you don’t have to work so much, parent so much, or clean the house so much, and you live in your beachside cottage.
You’ll be successful and content when you get that raise and promotion, when the house is paid off, and you have all the furniture and trimmings you’ve ever wanted.
If only you would have focused more in college and been more diligent about finding a secure job. If only you would have been more mature and waited before marrying someone who wasn’t actually all that great for you.
You’re out of time and you missed your chance. Right?
Probably not.
What If We Already Have It All?
“We already have everything we need. There is no need for self-improvement. All these trips that we lay on ourselves—the heavy-duty fearing that we’re bad and hoping that we’re good, the identities that we so dearly cling to, the rage, the jealousy and the addictions of all kinds—never touch our basic wealth. They are like clouds that temporarily block the sun. But all the time our warmth and brilliance are right here. This is who we really are. We are one blink of an eye away from being fully awake.”
We waste so much time trying to get somewhere, to make time to simply work so that we can have time to simply connect. We already have everything we need to get started. Rather than wasting time on dreaming of what you wish you had to accomplish something, take the first step from exactly where you are.
Contentment Is the Great Producer
I have often been caught in thought cycles that take me away from the beauty and the meaning of the work I have in front of me. I indulged feelings of shame, guilt, regret, fear, and anxiety. I expected that I had to be something extraordinary and impress the world with my overachieving nature. I said yes to everything so that I would someday, in the future, be at ease and happy.
In hindsight, I spent way more time on worrying about my performance and my ability to achieve everything I had put on my plate than I actually spent on the work. My anxiety and over-zealousness at work burned me out. I did not live in reality––I lived in some imagined future that I held tightly to––grasping tighter and tighter and tighter.
Until I broke down, quit my job, and moved in with my mom. I began to cultivate contentment. I let go of all the outside markers of success and greatness. I only wanted simplicity and ordinary work.
The paradox is this: the less I felt I had to achieve and accomplish, the more I achieved and accomplished. I spent less time feeling anxiety and worry. I simply began to approach the first step. Which lead to the next step and the following step.
It was no longer about me, my achievement, my success, my ability. It was about the work. I became curious and fascinated about being human and the ideas and tasks that simply
Input: Show Up // Output: Satisfaction
I’ve been surprised at how I don’t have to wait for the perfect conditions to try something I’ve always wanted to do or something I’ve wanted to achieve at work. I don’t have to have a beautiful office, a PhD, or endless funds––I can get started right now. I can show up and do the best with the tools and skills that I have. Will a beautiful office, a PhD, or endless funds eventually come my way? Maybe. But I’m not focused on that now. I’m focused on showing up and doing the work.
And my contentment and satisfaction have increased exponentially. And, honestly, so has the quality of my work over the past year. It takes daily practice to show up, to let go of being the best, the most successful, the most appreciated.
Contentment Makes Space for Connection
When we’re not overburdened with anxiety, desire, disappointment, or feelings of inadequacy, we are better communicators, listeners, and companions. We no longer make demands of those in our lives to walk with us on the path of wanting or needing more. We don’t expect them to accept our long work hours or our wishful spending of funds.
We realize that we’re enough, that they’re enough, that this is enough. We create space to be present, to pay attention, and to enjoy the things that matter: our relationships, nature, and our communities.
Accepting the Ups & Downs
“We think that the point is to pass the test or overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don’t really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. It’s just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy.”
When you are content, it isn't that things magically start going your way all the time––things continue to rarely go according to plan. Things come together and they fall apart in their own rhythms. If we are to cultivate efficient connections in our lives, moving with the flow of things while doing your best to show up will continue to create an ease and space in your life that will free you up to do the very thing you want most: to love and be loved.
